Really Easy Vegan "Chicken" Salad Recipe

Penny passed along this recipe - I find it a little disturbing because it's supposed to taste just like ME (why does everything taste "just like" me?), but it's actually pretty good.

Vegetarian "Chicken" Salad Recipe

INGREDIENTS:

• 1 carrot
• 1 celery stalk
• 1 green onion, finely sliced
• 1 tbsp relish
• 1/4 tsp dill
• 1/4 cup mayonnaise (use vegan mayonnaise for a vegan version)
• approx 6 oz mock chicken or 10-12 mock chicken deli slices

PREPARATION:

Using a food processor or a grater, finely dice the carrot and celery.

Slice mock chicken into approximately 1 cm square pieces.

Combine all ingredients in a large bowl until well mixed.

Serve over lettuce or on bread for a vegetarian "chicken" salad sandwich.

I like to heat up some vegan whole-wheat bread in the toaster oven and then scoop this on, mmm, mmm!

You might also want to try adding a few jalepeno peppers on top if you like things a little spicy! ;> ;> :>

Recipe courtesy of About.com

Horrorscope July 27 - August 2

Weekly Horrorscope
July 27 - August 2

By Wiccan Chicken & Pagan Penguin

Aries (March 21-April 19). An old flame will try to woo you back into his/her life. In addition to having a new haircut and a new attitude, they have newly acquired Chlamydia. (No, that is not a type of diet pill.)

Taurus (April 20-May 20). Two vindictive postal workers will have a fun time kicking around the important package you marked "Fragile" before they quit their jobs and go work mall security. Make sure you spring for the "Insurance" this time.

Gemini (May 21-June 21). You will see extra income from the minimum wage hike this week, only to see it taken right back out of your paycheck in taxes to fund various military outings and from the your insurance company that just happened to increase your premium. You might seriously consider becoming Canadian.

Cancer (June 22-July 22). Sometime this week, you will get the nagging feeling that people are staring at you. You won't notice until you get home that you had a booger on your face AND your fly was down.

Leo (July 23-Aug. 22). Someone will make $4,500 on Ebay selling a baseball card your mom threw out five years ago today. They'll be happy they dumpster dived while you eat your third bowl of Ramen noodle this week.

Today's birthday (July 26). Your mom will reminisce about the night nine months prior to this day when she got drunk at a party and met your dad.

Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22). Everyone is afraid to tell you that your new deodorant isn't really working. Stick to the Old Spice.

Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 23). After a really bad day at school or work, you will go home and consume and entire half gallon of Rocky Road iced cream and never speak of it to anyone you know.

Scorpio (Oct. 24-Nov. 21). That wasn't a sprinkle, it was a rat dropping. Go get tested for diseases.

Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21). You will spend your weekend gleefully commenting "You're fat" and "You're gay" on ever YouTube video that happens to cross your mouse. And then you will be hit by a bus. But if you don't do that, you'll hit the lotto. (Exception: If you've already posted the ending to "Harry Potter" anywhere on the internet, both things will happen.)

Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19). You are really two sizes larger than you think you are. You should go to the store and buy a shirt that fits.

Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18). This week, an angel will find you......doing naughty things while looking at the newly released pictures of Britney doing something skanky. The angel will come back later, when you have better taste in women.

Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20). You have a secret admirer. Too bad it's your cousin.

Buddhist Monkey Proverb of the Day:Don't bite that hand that feeds you. You don't know where that hand has been!

Wiccan Chicken and Pagan Penguin are fictional cartoon characters who think you are looking for any excuse to sue someone. Therefore, their horoscopes/astrological forecasts/random rants should be read for entertainment only.

Recipe: Vegan Spicy Sweet Potato-Bean Burrito

Hello, my fellow vegans! Want something a little spicy for dinner tonight? Try some of these burritos - they just make my BEAK water!

Spicy Sweet Potato-Bean Burrito

Ingredients (use vegan versions):

1 teaspoon olive, canola oil
1 large onion,finely chopped
3 or 4 cloves garlic, minced
6 cups cooked beans (kidney or garbanzo)
2 cups water or bean-cooking liquid
2 to 3 tablespoon chili powder
2 to 4 teaspoon prepared yellow mustard
2 teaspoon ground cumin
2 to 3 tablespoon soy sauce
8 10 soft whole-wheat tortillas
4 cups mashed cooked sweet potatoes
3 green onions, finely chopped
thinly sliced avocado
salsa to garnish

Directions:

1. Heat oil in a 4-quart saucepan over medium heat. Saute onion in oil until transparent. Add garlic and stir. Add beans, water, chili powder, mustard cumin.

2. Bring mixture to a boil over medium-high heat. Cover. Reduce heat to low. Simmer until beans are very very soft, about 10 to 15 minutes. Stir in soy sauce.

3. Mash beans in the pot with a potato masher or large slotted spoon. Simmer, uncovered, over medium-low heat to cook away any excess liquid, about 25 minutes. Taste and add more seasoning if desired.

4. Preheat oven to 375. spread about 2/3 cups bean mixture down the middle of a tortilla and top with 1/2 cup mashed sweet potato. Sprinkle with 1/8 green onions. Roll up burrito, folding edges in from two sides to cover filling.

5. Repeat with remaining tortillas, bean mixture, sweet potato and onions. Place burritos seam side down on a baking sheet that has been sprayed with vegetable cooking spray. Bake for 10 to 15 minutes or until burritos are crisp.

6. Sprinkle burritos with avocado, salsa as desired.

Serves: 8

Preparation time: 45 minutes

Recipe courtsey of Wiccan Chicken & VegWeb.com

Casu Marzu – An Unusual Delicacy

Penny for Your Thoughts:
Casu Marzu – An Unusual Delicacy
By Pagan "Penny" Penguin

Casu marzu (a.k.a. rotten cheese, maggot cheese, worm cheese, casu modde, casu cundhídu, or formaggio marcio) is a type of pecorino cheese infested with thousands of wriggling maggots. And believe it or not, it's sold for about three times the price of normal percorino! Don't believe me? Check Wikipedia - they know all about it!

This special cheese goes beyond typical fermentation to a stage most would consider decay. The cheese ages in open air, which allows the "cheese flies" (Piophila casei) to lay their eggs into it. Once eggs hatch, translucent white worms, about 8 mm (1/3 inch) long promote additional fermentation and break down the cheese's fats. Eventually, the cheese becomes very soft, pungent, and full of liquid (called lagrima, from the Sardinian for "tears").

As long as the maggots are still alive (and believe me, you'll know – you can hear them rustling from the package!), the cheese is fresh and good to eat. But buyer beware: if the maggots are dead, the cheese has become toxic. The cheese is typically eaten on crackers or bread, with the larvae still inside of it. Most foreigners try to remove the larvae or "eat around them," which is quite a difficult feat – the larvae can jump up to six inches if disturbed! And if you are adventurous like me, you should accompany your casu marzu with some "worm wine," made from the dreaded caterpillars commonly called army worms. I'll get into that in my next article – I think I hear my cheese crawling off the table.

Horrorscope July 19-26

Weekly Horrorscope
July 19-July 26
By Wiccan Chicken & Pagan Penguin

Aries (March 21-April 19). The person of your dreams will pass you in your car and you'll be too busy picking your nose to see them. (And yes, they will see you wiping it on your passenger seat.)

Taurus (April 20-May 20). You will be under a lot of stress this week when you find out who the father actually is.

Gemini (May 21-June 21). You will see a really good movie this week, but the people who come into the public restroom after you will wonder what you ate for dinner last night.

Cancer (June 22-July 22). You will accidentally kick your cat this week when you are late and scrambling to get out the door. Secretly, you will like it.

Leo (July 23-Aug. 22). A fantastically-written show will be canceled because your set has a secret Nielson rating monitor, and all you watch is crappy reality TV.

Today's birthday (July 19). You will get an impersonal giftcard from someone you know, simply because you bought them one for their birthday last year. They don't even like you!

Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22). This week, a dolphin will choke to death on a plastic six-pack holder that you neglected to cut apart four years ago. I hope you're happy.

Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 23). Your neighbor will catch a glimpse of your naked rear end when you forget to close the blinds. Why aren't you wearing any clothes while you make a sandwich, anyhow? It's not sanitary.

Scorpio (Oct. 24-Nov. 21). You've been putting on weight, you should really consider a new exercise plan – or at least a salad.

Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21). You're not going to have it "Your Way" this week. A cook will drop your hamburger bun on the floor and brush like nothing happened.

Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19). Your girlfriend is using you for your X-Box. Dump the zero and get a hero – she'll really like the Nintendo Wii better.

Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18).You will have a slightly upset stomach from because you unknowingly swallowed a spider in your sleep last night. Try not to sleep with your mouth hanging open next time.

Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20). When is the last time you got carwash? Someone wrote "Wash Me" in the dirt on your back bumper three weeks now and you haven't even noticed.

Buddhist Monkey Proverb of the Day: He who laughs last thinks slowest.

Wiccan Chicken and Pagan Penguin are fictional cartoon characters who think you are looking for any excuse to sue someone. Therefore, their horoscopes/astrological forecasts/random rants should be read for entertainment only.

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