Biggie Reviews the 2007 MTV Music Awards

Biggie's Ideas
So for all of you who missed the VMAs, I just want you to know that I did a little VMAing myself last night, that is, Vomiting My Ass off as I watched Britney's much-hyped comeback. If you feel like up-chucking, here is the video of our favorite former hit pop star with "Gimme More Live".

I must say it was much like witnessing a car accident - horrifying, and yet I couldn't avert my eyes. Britney's performance was a far cry from what we're used to and seemed more like a low budget performance put on at a club for transvestites. And you know I LOVE some of the girls down at the tranny club, but not on public tv, sweetie!

Between her lip-synching, lethargic attempt at dancing, and less than flattering bra-and-panty get-up, Britney was a disappointment. In fact, as the camera panned the audience, Fifty Cent, Kid Rock and others had a confused and almost sympathetic look on their faces. What's worse is that the shock seemed to linger, as Sarah Silverman's opening jokes evoked only a fraction of the response that the outspoken comedian typically receives.

While Britney left us wondering if the VMAs were playing a cruel joke on us, her ex-boyfriend Justin Timberlake brought us back to reality as he collected 4 awards, including Male Artist of the Year. You go, boy!

As bad as Britney's performance was, it made Chris Brown's performance stand out all the more. Performing "Wall to Wall" with an old-time carnival theme, Brown's moves were anything but old. The choreography along with his sick dance skills were enough to give Usher a run for his money. In fact, Brown even added a brief tribute to "Billie Jean" in there, just to show Michael Jackson's not the only one who could dance like that. Hopefully Brown won't start taking on any of Jacko's strange mannerisms.

Although she looked like a bloated Greek goddess, Beyonce took home the Earthshattering Collaboration award for her and Shakira's "Beautiful Liar." And not surprisingly, Rihanna's "Umbrella" won Monster Single of 2007, which convinces me that it's no longer a question of talent or lyrics, just who can sing the most annoying song ever. Eh? Eh Eh?

That's all I have for the VMAs, except one last plea: Britney, honey, we were all rooting for your “come back.” But unless you fire whoever made you dance around like Stripperella, you’re gonna end up doing MCI commercials with the rest of the has-beens.