Al Gore and the Sun's Conspiracy

I saw Mr. Gore's movie last night, and it's what I always dreaded: the Earth is merely a huge oven that keeps turning its temperature up a little tiny bit at a time. Before we all know it, we'll be a giant meat casserole! We have to fight this by spiting Mother Earth. Stop using gas-guzzling cars; the fumes are just adding to our "Smoked" flavor, and I think She really likes that. We have to recycle paper so we don't use Her trees..I mean, HELLO, what happens when you burn wood? It makes the place all hot..and toasty..and dare I say it..DELICIOUS! Well! I'm not going to turn into a pot pie!

Please, if you can, recycle everything you can - and if there is no recycling in your neighborhood, contact your local township and ask why! And if you can't find any place to recycle your garbage, then throw it in your nasty little brother's room - he probably won't even notice. Packrats are my favorite: they never pollute because they keep EVERYTHING under their bed. Ahh.


And the worst part...


Al Gore Caught Warming Globe To Increase Box Office Profits

No! My hero! It can't be! This is a conspiracy!!